some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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