Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
