if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
