I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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