fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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