Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
