the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
