is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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