You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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