dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
