Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
