Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
