Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
