Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
