You can't motorboat a personality
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
