I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize