As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
