i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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