You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
