Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
