First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
