I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
