I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
