If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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