Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
