My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
