At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
did i just pee glitter
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
