yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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