i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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