she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want to be your penis for a week.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize