It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
