Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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