i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
