Quick, to the slutcave!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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