ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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