Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As shirtless as possible
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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