If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
