I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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