Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
