Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
