I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
