I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
