I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize