He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
