dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
