He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
