i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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