The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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