Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
