just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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