dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
