DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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