Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
