She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
