Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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