Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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