That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
