Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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