And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
