I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
