There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
