Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
