I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
