Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
