I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
