And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
