I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
