yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
