He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
