Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
a search helicopter?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
