You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You have to summon your inner elephant
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
