Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
