Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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